00;00;04;00 - 00;00;32;17
Unknown
Welcome to The Vermillion Podcast, a free audio library of business strategies, creative inspiration and industry knowledge for actors, filmmakers, writers and anyone looking to activate their creative potential. I'm Nisha Culver, a writer director who helps artists build the careers that they dream of. I really hope that this podcast inspires you in some way. Thanks for tuning in.
00;00;32;22 - 00;00;36;15
Unknown
This week we're going to talk about decisions.
00;00;36;20 - 00;00;39;34
Unknown
What is a decision? What does it mean to decide?
00;00;39;39 - 00;00;43;59
Unknown
And how can you make better decisions?
00;00;44;04 - 00;00;50;27
Unknown
This sounds very boring, but it's actually fascinating. And I want to make sure that you walk away from this episode with
00;00;50;32 - 00;00;53;47
Unknown
some more tools on how to
00;00;53;52 - 00;00;56;23
Unknown
go about decisions in case you have any big ones.
00;00;56;23 - 00;00;57;12
Unknown
You know where
00;00;57;17 - 00;00;58;32
Unknown
at the time of filming, we're
00;00;58;37 - 00;01;00;29
Unknown
approaching the end of the year
00;01;00;34 - 00;01;03;31
Unknown
and it's a really powerful time
00;01;03;36 - 00;01;05;02
Unknown
for decision making. So
00;01;05;14 - 00;01;10;40
Unknown
I just want to make sure that you feel good about the decisions that you have ahead of you.
00;01;10;45 - 00;01;11;39
Unknown
So
00;01;11;44 - 00;01;19;51
Unknown
while I'm going through this episode, I want you to have at the front of mind something that you really, really want.
00;01;19;56 - 00;01;25;11
Unknown
Something that has been on your desire list for a while
00;01;25;16 - 00;01;27;06
Unknown
could be big or small, but
00;01;27;11 - 00;01;31;18
Unknown
something that's really important to you that you want in your life that you don't currently have in your life?
00;01;31;18 - 00;01;32;56
Unknown
We're going to be working with that. And,
00;01;32;56 - 00;01;39;10
Unknown
it's going to come into play with this conversation around decisions, because chances are
00;01;39;15 - 00;01;43;26
Unknown
there's a decision in there that isn't yet been made.
00;01;43;31 - 00;01;50;43
Unknown
I want to start with a really edgy concept, which is that the reason that you don't yet have what you want
00;01;50;48 - 00;01;56;23
Unknown
is because you haven't decided that you want it.
00;01;56;28 - 00;01;58;09
Unknown
What does that mean?
00;01;58;14 - 00;02;03;02
Unknown
Let's start with the word decide. Let's define our terms. So the word decide
00;02;03;07 - 00;02;05;31
Unknown
comes from
00;02;05;36 - 00;02;10;13
Unknown
the root word dissidia which is Latin.
00;02;10;18 - 00;02;14;29
Unknown
And the faraway origins of this word started with
00;02;14;34 - 00;02;23;38
Unknown
something that means literally to cut off, decide to cut off. That's the Latin root of the word decide.
00;02;23;43 - 00;02;24;54
Unknown
So
00;02;24;59 - 00;02;26;26
Unknown
With every decision
00;02;26;31 - 00;02;30;42
Unknown
on something you want, you're cutting off all the things that you don't want.
00;02;30;47 - 00;02;35;47
Unknown
If you want to say yes to something, that means you have to say no to something else.
00;02;35;52 - 00;02;37;38
Unknown
So I kind of
00;02;37;38 - 00;02;44;24
Unknown
want to invite you to embrace an aspect of violence with this word,
00;02;44;29 - 00;02;47;34
Unknown
or perhaps discomfort, something that
00;02;47;39 - 00;02;49;39
Unknown
is a closing,
00;02;49;54 - 00;02;50;04
Unknown
a
00;02;50;15 - 00;02;56;27
Unknown
closing of a door, a severing of possibility in one area in order to create possibility in another area.
00;02;56;41 - 00;02;58;51
Unknown
Like it's not always going to be
00;02;58;56 - 00;03;00;05
Unknown
happy.
00;03;00;10 - 00;03;04;36
Unknown
Kumbaya, peaceful energy. There's actually a certain violence
00;03;04;49 - 00;03;06;35
Unknown
to making decisions
00;03;06;45 - 00;03;08;12
Unknown
a lot of the time,
00;03;08;17 - 00;03;11;18
Unknown
and that's okay. Violence is also part of nature.
00;03;11;23 - 00;03;14;41
Unknown
We see violence in nature all the time. Animals attack each other,
00;03;14;46 - 00;03;16;00
Unknown
trees die,
00;03;16;05 - 00;03;20;06
Unknown
hopefully not from deforestation, but just naturally things die.
00;03;20;11 - 00;03;22;16
Unknown
So embrace that.
00;03;22;29 - 00;03;28;51
Unknown
decision that you need to make might have an aspect of this cutting off energy.
00;03;28;56 - 00;03;37;40
Unknown
There's a lot of other words that have that same suffix as decide, Sidi. What are some other words that have that suffix?
00;03;37;45 - 00;03;38;54
Unknown
Not to be too
00;03;38;59 - 00;03;40;43
Unknown
grim and scary here, but
00;03;40;48 - 00;03;42;08
Unknown
homicide,
00;03;42;13 - 00;03;44;02
Unknown
suicide,
00;03;44;07 - 00;03;46;01
Unknown
lot of other words. Right?
00;03;46;06 - 00;03;48;37
Unknown
So.
00;03;48;41 - 00;03;52;38
Unknown
This word that we're dealing with decide
00;03;52;43 - 00;03;54;50
Unknown
in some ways
00;03;54;55 - 00;03;57;35
Unknown
it's a death word.
00;03;57;40 - 00;04;03;02
Unknown
We are killing one thing in order to give life to another.
00;04;03;07 - 00;04;09;20
Unknown
We don't need to over focus on that. But I also don't want to ignore that energy
00;04;09;24 - 00;04;17;09
Unknown
because I think if we ignore it, then we can actually get caught in indecision because we're not willing to kill something.
00;04;17;14 - 00;04;18;30
Unknown
So
00;04;18;35 - 00;04;28;42
Unknown
death is really weird. I don't like it. It freaks me out. The idea that you can never get something back again. Like, I just really hate that.
00;04;28;47 - 00;04;35;45
Unknown
I'm not sure that that's actually what happens when we die. That, you know, something goes away forever and can't be brought back.
00;04;35;50 - 00;04;39;07
Unknown
But that finality, whether it's real or not,
00;04;39;07 - 00;04;42;16
Unknown
I think, is what gives a lot of us pause
00;04;42;21 - 00;04;44;50
Unknown
when we are forced to make a decision.
00;04;44;50 - 00;04;46;03
Unknown
We're faced with one.
00;04;46;08 - 00;04;50;28
Unknown
We don't want something to be final forever. We want to be able to
00;04;50;33 - 00;04;55;50
Unknown
still have options and still be able to get something back. We don't want that loss.
00;04;55;55 - 00;05;01;26
Unknown
Also, what if it's the wrong decision? Then you can't go back and fix it later. So
00;05;01;31 - 00;05;07;39
Unknown
I want to just put the brakes on that death energy for a second and say that
00;05;07;44 - 00;05;13;16
Unknown
with a lot of decisions, you actually can go back.
00;05;13;21 - 00;05;23;03
Unknown
I know we were just talking about all of the cutting off required for decision making, but there's a lot of decisions where you can return to baseline
00;05;23;08 - 00;05;25;23
Unknown
things like quitting a job,
00;05;25;28 - 00;05;33;07
Unknown
leading a career. Well, you actually can usually go back to that job or that career at least that industry. If you really want to,
00;05;33;12 - 00;05;35;09
Unknown
stop hanging out with a friend or family member.
00;05;35;09 - 00;05;35;47
Unknown
Well,
00;05;35;52 - 00;05;41;42
Unknown
a lot of times you can rekindle that relationship. You can start hanging out with them again.
00;05;41;47 - 00;05;42;28
Unknown
So
00;05;42;33 - 00;05;43;57
Unknown
I think that you can, in
00;05;44;03 - 00;05;46;25
Unknown
a lot of cases, resurrect
00;05;46;30 - 00;05;53;39
Unknown
a decision that you're scared to make. It's okay. A lot of times it's actually not final
00;05;53;43 - 00;05;57;44
Unknown
and sometimes it is final. Divorcing somebody,
00;05;57;49 - 00;06;01;49
Unknown
spending a whole big chunk of money,
00;06;01;54 - 00;06;05;00
Unknown
going to jail, turning someone into the cops.
00;06;05;05 - 00;06;06;20
Unknown
You know, sometimes
00;06;06;26 - 00;06;12;17
Unknown
saying something really truthful and hurtful, maybe you like, you can't unsay it, right? So sometimes
00;06;12;22 - 00;06;23;25
Unknown
you can't go back. And it's important when looking at the decision to be realistic about, can I go back on this or can't I go back on this? Which one is it? And like that might help you to make that decision
00;06;23;25 - 00;06;26;51
Unknown
with a little bit more wisdom.
00;06;26;55 - 00;06;32;07
Unknown
But for the decisions where you can't go back,
00;06;32;12 - 00;06;34;39
Unknown
where it does feel really final a lot of times as
00;06;34;39 - 00;06;37;22
Unknown
the ones that are harder to make.
00;06;37;27 - 00;06;39;56
Unknown
Ask yourself
00;06;40;01 - 00;06;43;33
Unknown
how much death energy
00;06;43;38 - 00;06;51;03
Unknown
versus life energy is there in you, keeping things the way they are
00;06;51;08 - 00;06;53;29
Unknown
and not making a decision?
00;06;53;34 - 00;06;57;03
Unknown
How much death energy are you perpetuating by not
00;06;57;08 - 00;07;01;35
Unknown
making the decision versus deciding
00;07;01;40 - 00;07;03;58
Unknown
to whatever it is, cut someone off,
00;07;04;03 - 00;07;06;44
Unknown
leave a job, etc.?
00;07;06;49 - 00;07;16;02
Unknown
In your lack of a decision, are you hurting yourself in order to not hurt others?
00;07;16;06 - 00;07;17;39
Unknown
Another question
00;07;17;44 - 00;07;21;31
Unknown
are you avoiding a decision
00;07;21;35 - 00;07;29;49
Unknown
as a way of enabling others to depend on you? Been there, done that.
00;07;29;54 - 00;07;34;18
Unknown
Are you avoiding a decision in order to make yourself indispensable?
00;07;34;23 - 00;07;37;40
Unknown
To feel needed?
00;07;37;45 - 00;07;40;30
Unknown
To not be alone?
00;07;40;35 - 00;07;50;39
Unknown
And a lot of times, a lack of a decision is actually a decision in and of itself. So you're making a decision either way.
00;07;50;44 - 00;07;54;12
Unknown
It's like that thought experiment about the train that's going to
00;07;54;17 - 00;07;55;25
Unknown
go off
00;07;55;30 - 00;07;56;31
Unknown
the track
00;07;56;46 - 00;07;59;05
Unknown
on one rail path,
00;07;59;10 - 00;08;05;07
Unknown
and it's full of people, and you're in charge of the path of the train, so it's headed for a cliff.
00;08;05;22 - 00;08;14;05
Unknown
Or you can divert the train and run over a person that's on the track on the other path.
00;08;14;10 - 00;08;16;07
Unknown
Which would you do?
00;08;16;12 - 00;08;17;02
Unknown
Would you allow
00;08;17;09 - 00;08;21;51
Unknown
the train on its current course? It has nothing to do with you run off the cliff.
00;08;22;02 - 00;08;28;00
Unknown
So that's making no decision. Or would you make a decision and choose to divert the train to run over?
00;08;28;00 - 00;08;30;26
Unknown
Somebody on the track would save everybody on the train.
00;08;30;31 - 00;08;36;58
Unknown
So the lack of a decision in that case is still a decision, because you're going to allow 40 people to die versus choosing
00;08;37;03 - 00;08;37;16
Unknown
to
00;08;37;20 - 00;08;39;21
Unknown
manslaughter. One person on the tracks.
00;08;39;26 - 00;08;41;41
Unknown
For me, I'm going to kill the one person on the track.
00;08;41;55 - 00;08;44;20
Unknown
Now that thought experiment gets kind of crazy.
00;08;44;20 - 00;08;46;07
Unknown
You're like, well, what if it's your mom, you know?
00;08;46;12 - 00;08;48;47
Unknown
So.
00;08;48;52 - 00;08;50;54
Unknown
You get the point that
00;08;50;59 - 00;09;01;58
Unknown
the lack of a decision oftentimes already is a decision. And you just need to be honest about that and take responsibility about the fact that you are still making a decision. You're choosing not to act.
00;09;02;03 - 00;09;04;18
Unknown
Here's a crazy one.
00;09;04;22 - 00;09;09;10
Unknown
How are you choosing potentially
00;09;09;15 - 00;09;13;01
Unknown
the things that you don't want
00;09;13;06 - 00;09;19;18
Unknown
through indecision? How are you choosing the things that you don't want?
00;09;19;23 - 00;09;34;22
Unknown
I do this all the time because I say that I want a career as an artist, and yet the little bits of free time that I do have when I can and should be dedicating it, you would think, to creating art or building my career.
00;09;34;27 - 00;09;37;02
Unknown
I wind up doing everything but
00;09;37;07 - 00;09;38;45
Unknown
Doomscrolling
00;09;38;50 - 00;09;41;27
Unknown
used to be like stress eating,
00;09;41;32 - 00;09;45;50
Unknown
cleaning my apartment, which it's already pretty clean, like it really doesn't need more.
00;09;45;55 - 00;09;48;25
Unknown
You know, not every single dish needs to be done
00;09;48;25 - 00;09;49;18
Unknown
all the time,
00;09;49;23 - 00;09;52;48
Unknown
but filling my time with things that are in indecision,
00;09;52;53 - 00;09;58;38
Unknown
their decision to not pursue what I know I need to do as an artist,
00;09;58;43 - 00;10;03;17
Unknown
and that in and of itself is a way of avoiding. It's a way of avoiding
00;10;03;22 - 00;10;07;53
Unknown
that bigger life, that bigger dream that I say that I want.
00;10;07;58 - 00;10;09;53
Unknown
So I've got a little exercise for you.
00;10;09;58 - 00;10;11;51
Unknown
So grab a pen and paper
00;10;11;56 - 00;10;12;48
Unknown
and
00;10;12;53 - 00;10;15;13
Unknown
You're going to make two columns.
00;10;15;18 - 00;10;21;58
Unknown
And this is really going to help you figure out what decisions need to be made to get the things that you want in life.
00;10;21;58 - 00;10;22;48
Unknown
So start with the
00;10;22;59 - 00;10;26;14
Unknown
thing at the top of your list that you want the most.
00;10;26;19 - 00;10;28;34
Unknown
This is going to be a column of things that you want.
00;10;28;39 - 00;10;30;40
Unknown
Put the thing that you want the most at the top, and then
00;10;30;45 - 00;10;33;38
Unknown
other things underneath that that you also want.
00;10;33;43 - 00;10;38;12
Unknown
Make the whole list. You can pause the podcast if you want.
00;10;38;17 - 00;10;42;44
Unknown
And then on a separate column next to it,
00;10;42;48 - 00;10;53;46
Unknown
you can just start to list one per line, something that you know you need to cut off in order to get the thing that you want.
00;10;53;51 - 00;11;02;04
Unknown
So let's say that I really want to create time to focus enough to start writing more
00;11;02;09 - 00;11;03;54
Unknown
on my screenplays.
00;11;03;58 - 00;11;06;50
Unknown
One thing that I know I need to cut off
00;11;06;55 - 00;11;12;59
Unknown
is the continuous nonstop admin on my business.
00;11;13;03 - 00;11;17;31
Unknown
I need to no longer allow myself to be responsible for all of that admin.
00;11;17;36 - 00;11;25;20
Unknown
It could be hard for me to delegate, so I need to bring someone in to take more of that admin off my plate.
00;11;25;25 - 00;11;30;06
Unknown
If I want lower cortisol levels,
00;11;30;11 - 00;11;33;05
Unknown
I have to stop
00;11;33;10 - 00;11;37;42
Unknown
doomscrolling late at night when I'm supposed to be getting ready for bed,
00;11;37;47 - 00;11;41;30
Unknown
so I have to cut myself off from doomscrolling on the internet.
00;11;41;35 - 00;11;42;43
Unknown
So do that
00;11;42;48 - 00;11;50;20
Unknown
column column all the way down. One thing you have to cut off for everything that you want on your list.
00;11;50;25 - 00;11;52;45
Unknown
And then the trick is
00;11;52;50 - 00;11;55;05
Unknown
you got to do it. You actually have to do it.
00;11;55;10 - 00;11;59;55
Unknown
can't just be stuck thinking about it and talking about it.
00;12;00;04 - 00;12;03;01
Unknown
You have to take action.
00;12;03;05 - 00;12;07;26
Unknown
I really wish you luck in this decision making. My goodness,
00;12;07;31 - 00;12;09;18
Unknown
New Year's is such a
00;12;09;23 - 00;12;10;13
Unknown
ripe,
00;12;10;18 - 00;12;13;52
Unknown
amazing, powerful time
00;12;13;57 - 00;12;16;54
Unknown
for decision making and I really hope that
00;12;16;59 - 00;12;25;12
Unknown
you can use this exercise and get what you want, because I want you to have what you want. I want you to make decisions and be decisive and, you know, cut people off.
00;12;25;12 - 00;12;28;05
Unknown
If you have to. Hey, tis the season.
00;12;28;10 - 00;12;33;07
Unknown
Happy holidays and I can't wait to see you all next week.
00;12;33;12 - 00;12;37;13
Unknown
Good luck!
00;12;37;18 - 00;12;57;37
Unknown
The Vermillion Podcast is sponsored by Vermillion, a home for artists. We offer classes, coaching and community for creatives and innovators in the arts. If you're ready to find your voice and build the life of your dreams, we are here to support you every step of the way. Check out Club vermillion.com and schedule a free call today.
