00:05
Welcome to Film on Tape, a free audio library for creatives in film and television.
00:10
My name is Misha Calvert, and I've worked as an actor, writer, director, and
00:15
producer for many decades. I had so many questions when I was first getting started
00:19
in New York, and I just wanted fast, free answers. That is what this library is
00:25
for. The work that you do as a creative is so important. I really hope that this
00:29
library is going to help get your work out there. Film on Tape is sponsored by
00:33
Vermillion, a coaching and educational company for creatives. You can learn more at
00:38
clubvermillion.com.
00:41
Have you ever had to push through something? Probably something really hard that
00:47
scares you. Maybe it's a goal that you have or you're really pushing to get to
00:54
that next level of income, or you're trying to get the bigger lead roles and all
01:00
you can get is the fricking supporting roles and the verticals and you wanna book
01:04
the legit or whatever it is, even like at the gym. There's this feeling of needing
01:12
to push through And sometimes the level of effort required to actually get to that
01:19
next phase feels almost impossible. Like the mountain is so high that it's almost
01:27
physically impossible to climb it. I want to give you a formula today that will
01:35
help to understand why that mountain feels so unclimbable and so big,
01:41
and also some practical tools and steps and ways of thinking about it so that you
01:49
might actually, after this episode, you might feel like you have the tools to push
01:55
through, whatever it is, because, look, the people who listen to this podcast are
02:01
goddamn ambitious. You guys are out there completely crushing in career and you're
02:08
really swinging big. This is not a small mind, small time kind of crew.
02:14
The people that I talk to who listen, you are really going for your dreams. So I
02:20
hope that this episode is going to be able to put into context why you sometimes
02:25
hit a wall. Like you're making gains, gains, gains, and then you hit a wall, it's
02:29
like, ah, I can't seem to push through this thing. This is like my plateau,
02:35
like I don't know where to go from here or how to push through. I'm gonna give
02:38
you some tips that I hope will help you to do that. So I wanna introduce the
02:42
concept of using discomfort as a roadmap for growth.
02:49
So instead of discomfort being something bad, it's actually something really good
02:54
because it shows you the way forward. To explain how to use discomfort as a roadmap
02:59
for growth, I first want to lay out the idea of the unaligned versus the
03:06
unfamiliar. Because in order to use your discomfort accurately as a map,
03:13
you're going to have to be able to discern the difference between something that is
03:18
unaligned and unfamiliar. Let me explain a little bit more. Examples of things that
03:25
can look very similar, but they're in those two totally different categories. Let's
03:31
say that you find yourself minimizing yourself in order to please other people.
03:38
That would be unaligned versus checking your ego and being more humble because that's
03:45
just what you need to do. So that would be something maybe that's unfamiliar.
03:49
Unaligned is saying yes to a low rate because you're not in your worth. And you're
03:55
like, "Oh, I don't know if I can get any better or scarcity." So you say yes to
04:01
low money versus unfamiliar. Maybe you say yes to low money because you usually are
04:08
expecting money for every single piece of creative work that you deliver, and you
04:14
know this opportunity is going to open you up to a whole new community of people.
04:19
So you say yes to a pro bono job because not because you have low worth, but
04:23
because you know it's going to yield opportunities. So unaligned could be staying up
04:27
too late scrolling. Unfamiliar might be staying up too late because you're in a
04:32
creative flow on a project. Unaligned is sticking with a collaborator who belittles
04:37
you versus unfamiliar might be taking on a project with a collaborator who challenges
04:43
you and makes you think about things in a new way. So the difference between
04:47
unaligned and unfamiliar, you have to be able to discern between the two because in
04:53
order to know whether the thing that you are trying to get is worth pushing
05:00
through, it's going to be unfamiliar. If it's unaligned, it's a no -go. It's like
05:05
literally it's not pushing through, it's don't go here, this is dangerous. Versus
05:09
pushing through something just because it's unfamiliar. So it's really important when
05:14
you're thinking about something that feels like a push, like okay,
05:19
here's a wall and my progress has stopped and I can either push through this wall
05:25
or I can give up. Well, how do you know whether to push or not? That is gonna be
05:29
based on your ability to determine whether this thing in front of you is either,
05:34
it's a push because it's unaligned or it's a push because it's unfamiliar.
05:40
I also think of unaligned versus unfamiliar in terms of analysis versus emotion.
05:50
And go with me on this because it really changed me once I was introduced to this
05:55
concept in group therapy, actually, with my family. And the therapist showed me that,
06:02
and this is something that a lot of psychologists talk about, your emotions are
06:06
always right. Your emotions are always accurate and they're always correct. Why?
06:12
Because they just are. That's how you feel. you feel something and therefore it
06:16
exists and therefore it's accurate versus the thing that's always wrong or incomplete
06:22
is analysis. So I can be really angry and sad with my sister and then I create a
06:30
story. I create an analysis about her that she's an F and B and she is just like
06:38
has empathy problems and it's probably because ABCDEFG reasons, right? That's analysis
06:44
and that's always gonna be wrong. Nevertheless, we love analysis and we love going
06:48
into story, but those stories are, they're not aligned. They're not gonna help the
06:55
situation, whatever we make up, whatever, however we box somebody, that's not gonna
06:59
help the situation, versus just staying in the emotion, acknowledging and allowing the
07:07
emotion, no matter how big it is, that's probably unfamiliar, because most cultures
07:12
and definitely American culture doesn't really encourage you to be in your emotions.
07:18
However,
07:21
your emotional environment is what is determining whether or not you are willing to
07:31
push through something or not.
07:34
This is why the concept of analysis versus emotion is so critical and why you're
07:39
going to have to get to know your emotions in order to push through because the
07:45
thing that is preventing you from pushing through it's not actually something on the
07:50
earth plane it's not like a you know oh just call so -and -so There's an emotion
07:56
that is blocking you from taking the action. It's not the action That's getting in
08:01
the way of the lack of action. It's an emotion that is stopping you from doing the
08:05
action usually fear and some combination of negative emotions So that's why we we
08:11
really need to allow emotion into the conversation here Because overcoming the emotion
08:18
that's limiting you is going to allow you to push through and I mean that's really
08:21
it. That's really it. If you deal with the emotion, you will be able to take on
08:27
whatever the challenge is. You'll be able to figure it out.
08:32
Analysis, a.k.a. story, often takes you out of your body and into your brain.
08:39
Why is this important? Because in order for you to discern whether something is just
08:46
unaligned or if it's unfamiliar, you're going to have to check in with your body.
08:52
Your body is where mostly your intuition lives.
08:57
So when you start going to analysis of like, well, what does it mean that this
09:01
person is being this way and on the team to me and like, this coworker is making
09:07
up a story about it so and so. When you start to do that, you move out of your
09:12
body and into your brain and you lose touch with your intuition. Part of cultivating
09:16
that discernment is starting to get comfortable staying in your body when there's
09:25
something new or uncomfortable going on and allowing yourself to have emotional
09:35
reactions.
09:37
Allowing the emotion, not going up into story, the who, what, when,
09:42
where, why. Stay in the emotion because the emotion is going to be the key to
09:48
unlocking the overcoming of the fear to push through. Here are the seven steps to
09:55
pushing through.
09:59
I am so excited to tell you that I'm launching a brand new slate of classes that
10:05
are incredibly helpful on my website. Some of the classes include on -camera acting
10:10
technique and how to self -produce your own film, actor self -care which is something
10:15
that nobody talks about, and how to write a feature film in 10 days which I'm
10:21
gonna teach you how I did it and how you can do it too. And believe me when I
10:26
say I poured my heart into these courses, go to clubvermillion.com.
10:31
I am so excited about this website, I can't wait to work with you.
10:39
And thanks for going with me on this lengthy preamble because I want you to
10:44
understand how everything fits together so that you can literally just rip through
10:49
these seven steps. You could probably do all seven steps in five minutes and find
10:55
the courage to go after the thing that needs to be pushed through like at the end
11:00
of five minutes. So let's see if you feel like you can push through what I've done
11:05
with these seven. Step number one, you need to discern the way forward. What does
11:10
that mean? It means let's say you have a goal. Maryam, what's the goal? - To be a
11:15
DP. - To be a DP, and what's the immediate goal? - Work with people who know what
11:21
they're doing. - Yeah, it was just a little intimidating, right? That is a big push.
11:27
But step number one is just to discern, which we just did in like three seconds
11:32
back and forth. DP, okay, the way forward, work with people who are advanced and
11:39
start to get on set more and more. So that's step number one. Step number two is
11:44
sense the unfamiliarity and try to identify what exactly is it about this that gives
11:50
me an unfamiliar feeling. Oh, it's contacting a bunch of people that I don't know
11:57
and cold pitching myself to be on their set and also to hire me even though they
12:03
have no reason to hire me potentially, Trying to convince them to hire me all the
12:07
well, maybe a little bit feeling like a fraud or out of my depth So, okay, that's
12:13
the unfamiliarity. Got it step number three is feel in your body. Where's the
12:17
emotion? So when you think about taking that step, okay, I feel a little flutter in
12:23
my stomach I feel my heart starting to raise at the thought of picking up the
12:28
phone I feel maybe a little like light on my feet,
12:33
like maybe even a little dizzy. So where do you feel in your body?
12:39
And then name it and describe the emotion. So for you,
12:45
Maryam, what emotion might that be? - Like anxiety. - Anxiety,
12:50
okay, and where do you feel in your body? - My chest. - Your chest, anywhere else?
12:55
It's like concentrated like a clenching any other emotions that you can name
13:01
Excitement excitement. Yeah nervousness Mm -hmm. And so if you keep drilling down and
13:07
like chipping away chipping away you might find other emotions too like In addition
13:12
to the fear there might be there might be some anger Like why do I have to do
13:16
this? I should I should just have opportunities, you know We start to get into
13:20
story, but you can look for the emotion or maybe sadness, like, "I should have done
13:25
this a long time ago," right? Like, you can let the story point you to the emotion
13:31
that you're feeling, but really be with the emotion if you can and name it. Step
13:36
number four is to meet the emotion with deep compassion.
13:42
So let's say fear, really allowing the fear to live fully and to be fully present
13:50
and big and alive and to love the fear,
13:57
to love it, to honor it and say, okay, you're trying to show me something fear.
14:03
Thank you, you're trying to teach me something here or maybe protect me. Like thank
14:09
you, I honor you and you know, however you want to talk to your own feeling or
14:13
you just kind of basket in your warm loving presence Do not ignore the emotion.
14:21
You must meet it with compassion Because if you suppress it,
14:26
it will only get louder
14:29
Remember the emotion is what's stopping you from the forward movement So once you've
14:36
met it with compassion, you want to find safety in another person emotionally.
14:43
That can look like a friend, a lover, your parents,
14:48
family members, a social circle, but someone who you can really trust to open up to
14:55
them and they've got you.
14:59
And Psychologists talk about this, where when there's trauma, the amount of damage
15:05
that you incur from the trauma isn't so much dependent on the severity of the
15:12
trauma. It's dependent on who you had around you at the time to support you through
15:20
the trauma. So literally the scale of injury will depend on did you have anyone
15:28
there supporting you and helping you get through it. Because if you did a really
15:33
big event might actually only leave a small amount of damage. The same is true of
15:38
looking at really big goals or really big steps. If you can feel like,
15:44
"Okay, no matter what, I've got my best friend here who's going to offer emotional
15:48
support and I'll be good, it could all fall apart. I'm still gonna be supported.
15:53
I'm not gonna be alone. That goes a long, long way, so you wanna try to create
15:58
that safety in somebody else emotionally. Step number six is build safety logically.
16:06
What is your backup plan? What happens if it fails? Do you have a sort of
16:11
emergency strategy to get out of it or restore to the status quo.
16:18
What are you going to do if it works? So if you can create a logical plan for
16:24
pushing through and what happens if it backfires, you're covered. The brain doesn't
16:30
like uncertainty would rather be low key miserable than go for something that it
16:34
doesn't know how it's going to pan out. So just run the thought model of, okay,
16:38
how might this possibly go? And what is my logical plan for approaching this goal
16:44
that I need to push through? Step number seven is do it Do the hard thing and if
16:49
you've gone through the previous six steps, you're probably Going to feel ready to
16:55
do the hard thing. I Don't know Maryam. You tell me do you feel a little bit more
16:59
ready now? Yes, which of the steps was the
17:05
- The second, this is the second? - Sensing the unfamiliarity and naming it. What is
17:10
unfamiliar about this thing that I have to push through? Incredible.
17:15
The hardest of those seven steps will probably be different for everybody, but you
17:21
see how quickly we were able to just walk right through it. So feel free to replay
17:27
this episode with any topic that you are trying to push through right now and see
17:33
if by the end of it, you don't feel ready to literally stop the podcast and go
17:40
and start the action. Oh my God, that would make me so happy. That's literally what
17:46
I want. Like, I want to put myself out of business with this podcast. I want you
17:49
to get so fired up that you stop listening and you just go run off and start
17:54
doing the thing that we're talking about. That would make me really happy to have
17:59
like a whole library of unfinished episodes in your podcast player. So please go
18:07
give it a try. You try it on and you tell me if this works for you because I
18:12
want to know. And I wish you extraordinary luck in pushing through.
18:19
I think it's going to work. Good luck. I'll see you on the other side. Thank you
18:25
so much for listening to Film on Tape. If you like the way that I approach the
18:29
industry, check out our other classes, consulting and mentorship at clubvermilion.com.
18:35
Vermillion is a home for artists and those looking to expand creatively. Whether
18:40
you're an actor, a film professional, an entrepreneur, or a CEO, we'll help you find
18:45
your voice, and hone your skills to thrive in any market at any scale.
18:51
You can schedule a free phone consultation at clubvermilion.com.
