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Welcome to Film on Tape, a free audio library for creatives in film and television. My name is Misha Calvert, and I've worked as an actor, writer, director and producer for many decades. I had so many questions when I was first getting started in New York, and I just wanted fast, free answers. That is what this library is for.
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The work that you do as a creative is so important. I really hope that this library is going to help get your work out there. Film on tape is sponsored by Vermilion, a coaching and educational company for creatives. You can learn more at clubvermilion.com.
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Negativity and rejection can feel so hard and so impenetrable and heavy and like forever.
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And yet they are critical to your success.
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I want to talk to you today about how to transform negativity and rejection from a bad thing
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to an extremely good thing. Basically, how to turn them into a gift
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and not in a cute, like, Hallmark
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kind of way. Like in a real way
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that hopefully will
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change your entire way of thinking about this.
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Now, I'm someone who has experienced a lot of rejection in my life.
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I was bullied as a kid,
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like, it was really bad.
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And
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there was a period of about ten years where I basically didn't have any friends,
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and I was a total pariah in school,
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and I wasn't really accepted at home either.
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So it created a lot of, I would say, like scar tissue psychologically.
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And it's been really
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tough to process that.
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But I have.
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I have processed it, and
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it's actually the thing that has allowed me to
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be a serial entrepreneur.
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It's what's allowed me to
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bypass a lot of
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what would have been bad relationships, like dead end relationships. I see friends now that are
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in marriages that just aren't fulfilling and
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in friendships that
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are really, like, harmful to them sometimes.
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And because I'm so used to - from that experience of
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being rejected and being alone, like, I, I'm just okay to be alone.
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I have a lot of lived experience with negativity and rejection, and
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I hope that as we talk about this today, that this will be helpful to you in processing some of your own experiences
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with this,
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because the fear of social rejection is one of the top reasons that we stay anonymous and that we don't go for it.
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Whether that's launching a business,
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pursuing a career as an artist,
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even like trying to be friends with or go out with the people that you really want to fill your life with, like, we're just afraid of rejection. So we don't even try.
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It prevents us from putting ourselves out there,
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and it will limit your career. It will limit the amount of money you're able to make.
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It will limit
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the amount of creativity and expression
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that you allow into your life.
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So
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the path from where you are now and where you want to be,
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it involves a lot of failure.
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It's basically filled with cringe. It's like a
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pit of cringe
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and market testing.
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There's so much iteration when you're trying to launch something new.
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By definition,
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bringing something to market is going to mean failure.
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You're never, ever, ever going to be perfect at something. In the beginning, I mean, even Mozart had to practice.
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If you want to progress in your career, you're going to have to work with
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your relationship to failure,
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which is then amplified by other people projecting
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failure onto you and rejecting you.
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You're just going to have to
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work on your relationship with rejection and negativity.
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Now, again, I know how hard it can be. I know how scary it could be
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to basically have people like,
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hurtling their shit at you
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online, you know, especially
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keyboard warriors who
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will say whatever. And then, you know, in person they, they would never have the balls, but
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they're just so hateful and they're so mean online.
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I want you to be able to take that shit and turn it into gold, literally like fertilizer,
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which is
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shit. I mean, that's how gardens grow.
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So take that B.S.
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and you're going to turn it into manure. You're going to turn it into fertilizer for your garden, and your garden is going to thrive. In fact, your garden could not thrive without it.
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Gardens can't grow without fertilizer. I mean, they can't, but they'll just grow better with it,
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right?
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They need sunlight. They need water, and they're helped by fertilizer. So
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we're going to take these negative experiences and we're going to turn them into fertilizer.
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Go with me on this. And by the end of this I want you to feel like
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that's what's happening for your life.
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Let's
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take on the framework of “what if everyone and everything is here for your benefit?”
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We don't have any evidence that other people actually exist,
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we don't know that we're not the only
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person in the world. And everyone else is not just a projection. We don't know that.
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What if - this is one framing - what if everyone else
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is just a projection and
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they're only here for your benefit, to
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give you an experience of growth and expansion and adventure?
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If that is the case,
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then
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there's really no stakes to anyone doing anything to you
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except that you don't like it.
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You would prefer to have a different experience on this
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“holodeck”, if you know Star Trek.
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So you might as well put yourself out there and just understand, like
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this negativity isn't actually going to hurt you, but you can learn from it and you can grow from it.
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The question that I always love is what is being asked of me here?
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We'll get to that in a second. But I just want to
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float this idea of,
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you don't actually know that any of this is real. Like the negativity and the rejection that comes back.
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You don't know
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that it's even happening at all.
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And with these people online, like, you definitely don't know how real they are.
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They literally could be AI bots from Russia
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making these comments on your DMs or your your posts like you don't know.
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Just like
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disempower the negativity and think, “okay,
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this is just here for me to get some kind of benefit from it because
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I know that I'm real.
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So I'm just going to take all of this
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as fuel, and I'm going to start to dig with this question of: what's being asked of me here? How am I being asked to grow?”
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I
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want to talk
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for a second about story.
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So we all tell ourselves stories about situations and about people all the time.
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It's part of the human brain’s
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desire to make sense of the world and to kind of protect us from danger.
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It's like “well, if I tell myself a story that
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that person
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punched me in the face once and
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they're crazy and they're violent,
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that means that I'm going to stay away from them because of that story,
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and they probably won't punch me again.” Right?
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They may not be crazy or violent
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normally, but the story helps you to just stay alive.
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So stories are a natural part of being alive,
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and at the same time they can be limiting.
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Here's why.
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If you decide that a story is true,
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you're not going to continue to be curious about it. You might
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not want to seek truth about why that person punched you in the face,
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but you might settle for whatever story your brain comes up with based on the evidence that you have.
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So some stories that I've heard frequently: “Casting directors
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just don't respond to me.”
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“I'm not
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good looking enough to be an actor.
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I don't have ‘the look’.”
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“Working in film is so hard.
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It's impossible to break through unless you're born into a Hollywood family.”
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“It's
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impossible to
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work as a woman in film.
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The odds are stacked against you.”
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Or,
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“Artists can't make money. You have to choose either art or money.”
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So these are all stories that I've heard from people. Most of them
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from multiple people.
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And
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they're not very helpful. There was a study done where
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women were reminded of their gender right before they went into a meeting or
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a test or something like that.
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And they actually performed much more poorly
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when they were reminded that they were women.
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These stories, you know, even if on one level, statistically, they might be true or like,
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physiologically, if you're a woman, perhaps,
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but to adopt the story of what it means to be a woman
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and all of the baggage of that, like,
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I think if I thought about being a woman as I was trying to make films,
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I wouldn't have made half as many films
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as I have.
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I don't think about gender. I don't think about that story. I refuse to think about that story.
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I also refuse to think about aging.
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Someone tried to tell me recently, like the age at which we peak, and I stopped him mid-sentence because I don't want to hear it. I don't want to hear that.
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I refuse to take that information in,
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and instead I'm going to operate on my own body's timeline.
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Now, at a certain point, I am going to die.
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But
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for now,
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I don't want to hear the average age at which most people start
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to fall apart.
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It doesn't help me.
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My dad started working out in his 60s. He became a bodybuilder in his 60s,
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and he looks better than
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basically than any other man in our family. And he's like 75 now and he's in insanely good shape.
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So
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be careful about the stories that you pick up
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and the stories that you tell yourself,
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whether it's about gender or
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body type or culture or
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really anything, even the people around you.
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And that's
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not to dismiss
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or minimize systemic challenges.
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But my question with
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acknowledging systemic challenges is, is it actually helping you
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or is it hurting you?
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And for instance, on the topic of gender,
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I am done being hurt by men. I no longer am willing to allow that,
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and thus I will not carry gender with me into the room.
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I will simply operate on a different frequency.
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My radio signal of
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just completely bypassing the gender discussion?
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That radio signal is going to be louder than the other people in the room who are still seeing a girl.
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I will be louder because I am stronger.
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And so the invitation is for your story to be stronger
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than the stories of the other people who are with you,
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for you to be the strongest radio signal in the room. That is,
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that is leadership and that is strength, and that is power.
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Another common story that people get wrapped up in is
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the villain-victim-hero cycle. And psychologists talk about this too,
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where frequently we're playing a part in that triangle.
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And as actors, like we're used to playing parts, but
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then it's like, well,
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you're playing that part in your personal life, too. That's kind of crazy, right?
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To think that we're always trying to play a role.
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So let's say with this villain-victim-hero thing that you
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go into
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an audition or a pitch meeting,
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and the person
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on the other side of the desk is really short with you and kind of rude to you,
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so you make them the villain.
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You're the victim, and then
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the reader or, you know, one of the assistants in the room is like trying to make up for it,
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and they're the hero trying
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to, like, ameliorate the situation.
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Well, that's your perspective.
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Maybe from their perspective,
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you haven't properly prepared for the meeting
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and they
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canceled something really important
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in order to squeeze in this
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audition or this pitch meeting with you.
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And they're now feeling like
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you've wasted their time.
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And so now they're a victim because they're working 14 hour days and they just wanted to go to their kid's birthday party
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at their lunch break,
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but they canceled it to see your audition or whatever.
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So I'm just saying, like, we do step into these roles
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without acknowledging the humanity of the other people involved. And
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oftentimes that person that you think is like a gatekeeper that is
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so mean or so unkind or dismissive of you,
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they could be thinking that you're the villain.
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Or, you know, they could be thinking nothing at all.
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I am so excited to tell you that I'm launching a brand new slate of classes that are incredibly helpful on my website. Some of the classes include: on camera acting technique and how to self produce your own film, actor self-care, which is something that nobody talks about, and how to write a feature film in ten days, which I'm going to teach you how I did it and how you can do it too.
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And believe me when I say I poured my heart into these courses. Go to cluvermilion.com. I am so excited about this website. I can't wait to work with you.
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Try to get off that merry go round and just
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understand the humanity of people and adopt a more neutral, like, we're all equals. We're all equals here. And I'm going to approach you as an equal.
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I'm not going to make you anything other than
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somebody who did something that maybe I do or do not like.
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Right?
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And then you can confront it and deal with it from there.
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Unknown
Can you think of examples of
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story that you have projected onto a situation where
00:14:12:04 - 00:14:17:18
Unknown
you actually don't know that that's objectively true? You're just kind of making up a story about what you think is true.
00:14:18:04 - 00:14:18:18
Unknown
And,
00:14:18:18 - 00:14:21:14
Unknown
you know, a lot of times that story feels bad,
00:14:21:23 - 00:14:24:00
Unknown
and it's based on trauma. It's based on
00:14:24:04 - 00:14:25:15
Unknown
other evidence we've had in the past.
00:14:25:15 - 00:14:25:21
Unknown
But
00:14:25:22 - 00:14:29:03
Unknown
a lot of times it's like that story reinforces a negative belief and
00:14:29:03 - 00:14:32:09
Unknown
makes us even more anxious or more angry or more sad.
00:14:32:18 - 00:14:33:06
Unknown
So
00:14:33:14 - 00:14:34:13
Unknown
try to
00:14:35:03 - 00:14:38:08
Unknown
think and analyze about the stories that you tell yourself.
00:14:38:09 - 00:14:41:05
Unknown
Ask yourself, "how they actually helping me? Or is this,
00:14:41:05 - 00:14:42:18
Unknown
just causing me pain?
00:14:43:02 - 00:14:44:19
Unknown
Do I want to tell a different story?
00:14:45:23 - 00:14:49:04
Unknown
Because what if people actually love what I post online?
00:14:49:09 - 00:14:53:18
Unknown
what if the ten people that needed to see it most see it that day?"
00:14:54:23 - 00:15:01:08
Unknown
All right, let's come back to negativity and, indeed, every bad thing being a gift.
00:15:01:08 - 00:15:03:12
Unknown
Here's some ways to do this.
00:15:03:11 - 00:15:06:17
Unknown
What is being asked of me? My favorite question in the world.
00:15:06:18 - 00:15:10:08
Unknown
This bypasses the blame game. It bypasses the triangle.
00:15:10:07 - 00:15:12:18
Unknown
It bypasses the villain-victim-hero cycle,
00:15:13:09 - 00:15:18:21
Unknown
and it encourages you to take responsibility for finding the gift that's being presented to you.
00:15:19:17 - 00:15:24:20
Unknown
So what is being asked of you? Are you being asked to grow?
00:15:25:13 - 00:15:28:23
Unknown
Are you being asked to change your life to
00:15:28:22 - 00:15:30:02
Unknown
move out of a,
00:15:30:07 - 00:15:33:12
Unknown
a habit or a behavior that's, that's not serving you anymore?
00:15:33:19 - 00:15:35:09
Unknown
Setting new boundaries?
00:15:36:00 - 00:15:42:22
Unknown
Maybe just creating better content? You know, if no one's responding, maybe you're just being asked to, like, think more about what you post before you post it.
00:15:43:06 - 00:15:44:22
Unknown
Reexamine your marketing campaign.
00:15:44:22 - 00:15:46:08
Unknown
Use different hashtags.
00:15:46:18 - 00:15:50:03
Unknown
it could be small. It could be big. Are you being asked to move to a different city?
00:15:50:15 - 00:15:51:11
Unknown
To
00:15:51:11 - 00:15:54:09
Unknown
have a long, hard conversation with one of your parents? Like
00:15:55:02 - 00:15:58:02
Unknown
it's uncomfortable because something is being asked of you.
00:15:58:15 - 00:16:02:05
Unknown
So take that power back and say,
00:16:02:13 - 00:16:05:00
Unknown
okay, I'm the boss of my life.
00:16:05:00 - 00:16:06:03
Unknown
Let me figure this out.
00:16:07:21 - 00:16:13:21
Unknown
Another way to see bad things as a gift is to look at the shadow traits that are being revealed.
00:16:14:11 - 00:16:18:20
Unknown
So if someone truly is annoying you - happens to me all the time in public.
00:16:19:06 - 00:16:23:03
Unknown
Someone's doing something. I'm just like, "oh God, it's annoying."
00:16:23:21 - 00:16:30:02
Unknown
Invariably, it's showing me a shadow trait of myself that I am scared to show to the public.
00:16:30:13 - 00:16:33:08
Unknown
A really great book on this is "The Dark Side of the Light Chasers",
00:16:33:19 - 00:16:37:11
Unknown
and it taught me so much about shadow. It's really a foundational text.
00:16:38:04 - 00:16:40:17
Unknown
Basically anything that's activated in you
00:16:41:07 - 00:16:44:11
Unknown
is probably a trait that you haven't yet integrated,
00:16:45:08 - 00:16:47:00
Unknown
and all traits want to be integrated.
00:16:47:00 - 00:16:49:05
Unknown
They just want to feel like they're welcome
00:16:49:18 - 00:16:55:10
Unknown
in the party. They want to be welcomed in you and have you embrace them and not reject them.
00:16:55:18 - 00:16:56:09
Unknown
So
00:16:56:18 - 00:17:01:10
Unknown
as negativity comes up, you can literally take it - like on social media - you can take it one comment at a time, like,
00:17:01:19 - 00:17:03:11
Unknown
someone body shamed you, like
00:17:03:11 - 00:17:05:08
Unknown
refers to your body in a way that you don't like.
00:17:05:17 - 00:17:06:07
Unknown
Whatever that
00:17:06:14 - 00:17:08:03
Unknown
is, take that and
00:17:08:04 - 00:17:10:00
Unknown
work it through your shadow and
00:17:10:00 - 00:17:14:15
Unknown
get to the place where you can really take ownership of that trait and love that trait about yourself.
00:17:14:15 - 00:17:16:11
Unknown
Like me, I'm getting older.
00:17:16:22 - 00:17:18:06
Unknown
Haven't had any face work done.
00:17:18:18 - 00:17:19:21
Unknown
If someone was like,
00:17:20:15 - 00:17:22:21
Unknown
"you look like
00:17:22:20 - 00:17:27:11
Unknown
Jim Carrey, like old and wrinkled and like Jim Carrey right now",
00:17:27:18 - 00:17:29:10
Unknown
I'd be like, "Oh man. Yeah,
00:17:30:02 - 00:17:32:15
Unknown
okay, let me take my, like, weird
00:17:32:15 - 00:17:35:18
Unknown
face and take that through shadow and like,
00:17:35:18 - 00:17:37:01
Unknown
start to love
00:17:37:01 - 00:17:39:10
Unknown
my wrinkles and love my, you know,
00:17:39:18 - 00:17:41:14
Unknown
the strangeness of my face and like,
00:17:42:01 - 00:17:44:07
Unknown
really embrace it."
00:17:44:08 - 00:17:46:18
Unknown
I don't actually look like Jim Carrey. I don't know why I said that, but,
00:17:47:05 - 00:17:50:04
Unknown
you know, there's some actors who, like their entire career, is
00:17:50:16 - 00:17:53:10
Unknown
elevated by their weird, the weirdness of their face.
00:17:53:21 - 00:17:54:22
Unknown
Or someone was like,
00:17:55:06 - 00:17:57:06
Unknown
because I had this recently, I posted a video
00:17:57:16 - 00:17:58:20
Unknown
on my social
00:17:58:20 - 00:18:00:04
Unknown
with a story about Val Kilmer,
00:18:00:10 - 00:18:03:18
Unknown
who my mom worked with. She worked with Val Kilmer, she worked with Tom Cruise on Top Gun,
00:18:04:03 - 00:18:07:00
Unknown
and long story short, Val Kilmer was a total
00:18:07:00 - 00:18:07:18
Unknown
dick to her.
00:18:07:18 - 00:18:09:04
Unknown
He was so rude.
00:18:09:15 - 00:18:10:22
Unknown
Abandoned her at the airport
00:18:11:06 - 00:18:12:06
Unknown
when she went to pick him up.
00:18:12:14 - 00:18:13:04
Unknown
But
00:18:13:04 - 00:18:15:22
Unknown
you should just watch the video because I - it's better when I tell it
00:18:15:21 - 00:18:17:02
Unknown
on my Instagram. But
00:18:17:03 - 00:18:23:20
Unknown
a lot of people came in and they were really flaming that story, even though it's a true story.
00:18:24:08 - 00:18:27:11
Unknown
They were just mad that I was telling a story because he just passed away,
00:18:28:02 - 00:18:31:22
Unknown
but they were saying things that were unrelated to the story, that were just insults to me.
00:18:31:22 - 00:18:32:10
Unknown
And
00:18:33:02 - 00:18:35:23
Unknown
I've done a lot of shadow work, so it wasn't that activating. But
00:18:36:14 - 00:18:38:12
Unknown
whenever a comment would itch a little bit,
00:18:38:19 - 00:18:45:16
Unknown
I'd be like, oh, that's so interesting. Like, what is that? Let me look at that and let me see if there's a way I can integrate that word
00:18:45:22 - 00:18:47:19
Unknown
because I don't want to be bothered by this anymore,
00:18:48:06 - 00:18:50:02
Unknown
I want to integrate what they've just said
00:18:50:10 - 00:18:54:05
Unknown
and really, like, love it and take out all the charge from it so that
00:18:54:17 - 00:18:59:06
Unknown
I can just be more processed and more complete as a person
00:18:59:06 - 00:19:00:04
Unknown
on the other side.
00:19:01:00 - 00:19:03:15
Unknown
And that way, like when you've done that enough, the comments just -
00:19:03:15 - 00:19:05:01
Unknown
it's like reading
00:19:05:01 - 00:19:12:05
Unknown
the phone book. I mean, you just don't care anymore. They could say the most insane stuff to you possible, and you just,
00:19:12:13 - 00:19:13:06
Unknown
you laugh.
00:19:13:15 - 00:19:15:05
Unknown
You laugh at the creativity.
00:19:16:18 - 00:19:17:13
Unknown
So
00:19:17:13 - 00:19:19:16
Unknown
I want to reiterate that if something
00:19:19:16 - 00:19:21:20
Unknown
kind of itches you or it hurts,
00:19:21:20 - 00:19:22:22
Unknown
it's uncomfortable?
00:19:22:22 - 00:19:25:12
Unknown
It's because there's a growth edge there
00:19:26:00 - 00:19:27:06
Unknown
and you're being asked
00:19:27:07 - 00:19:28:21
Unknown
to grow and to expand
00:19:29:03 - 00:19:29:23
Unknown
and to take
00:19:30:06 - 00:19:33:08
Unknown
the negativity as a way to show you
00:19:34:04 - 00:19:36:04
Unknown
either your shadow or
00:19:36:12 - 00:19:38:14
Unknown
how you're being asked to expand
00:19:39:01 - 00:19:40:20
Unknown
or even - with envy,
00:19:41:18 - 00:19:44:19
Unknown
the thing that you want is showing you
00:19:45:06 - 00:19:46:06
Unknown
what's meant for you.
00:19:46:13 - 00:19:47:02
Unknown
If you
00:19:47:06 - 00:19:51:11
Unknown
didn't want it, if it wasn't a potential outcome for you in your life or part of your
00:19:51:11 - 00:19:52:03
Unknown
dream life,
00:19:52:13 - 00:19:53:10
Unknown
you wouldn't care.
00:19:53:10 - 00:19:54:07
Unknown
You wouldn't want it.
00:19:54:13 - 00:19:59:17
Unknown
I don't want Travis Kelce's life. I mean, I know he's a superstar and like a very good athlete, but
00:20:00:09 - 00:20:05:00
Unknown
I don't want his career. I'm just happy for him. Cool. Like he's winning at football and he's
00:20:05:00 - 00:20:07:22
Unknown
dating Taylor Swift. Like, I'm so happy for him.
00:20:07:22 - 00:20:09:03
Unknown
I don't want any of that. But
00:20:09:03 - 00:20:10:14
Unknown
someone like
00:20:10:14 - 00:20:11:23
Unknown
Denis Villeneuve.
00:20:12:13 - 00:20:15:13
Unknown
Incredible filmmaker. Yeah, yeah, I want his career.
00:20:16:03 - 00:20:18:10
Unknown
I want what he's getting. I want, I want those
00:20:18:15 - 00:20:24:00
Unknown
awards, and I want those blockbuster hits. And, I mean, that's - "Dune", like, that is my kind of movie to make.
00:20:24:10 - 00:20:26:22
Unknown
"Blade Runner 2049", my kind of movie to make. So
00:20:27:03 - 00:20:31:03
Unknown
if I'm feeling envy it's because I know that the thing that I'm envying
00:20:31:06 - 00:20:32:05
Unknown
is meant for me,
00:20:32:13 - 00:20:37:22
Unknown
and I'm being asked to grow as a filmmaker or as a person, as a woman, as an artist,
00:20:38:10 - 00:20:39:23
Unknown
to become the kind of person
00:20:39:23 - 00:20:40:15
Unknown
for whom that
00:20:40:15 - 00:20:41:15
Unknown
thing that I want,
00:20:42:00 - 00:20:42:19
Unknown
it just
00:20:42:18 - 00:20:45:21
Unknown
appears in my life. It just is. It just makes sense.
00:20:46:08 - 00:20:48:17
Unknown
So that's my job to grow and
00:20:48:18 - 00:20:51:01
Unknown
become a better person.
00:20:52:05 - 00:20:55:03
Unknown
All right. Here's a little wrap up to help you in case
00:20:55:14 - 00:20:59:23
Unknown
you are dealing with any kind of negativity or rejection or bullying or anything like that right now.
00:21:00:06 - 00:21:02:05
Unknown
I really, really want you to be okay
00:21:02:13 - 00:21:06:17
Unknown
and to see the gift in this experience.
00:21:07:17 - 00:21:10:14
Unknown
Negativity, the vast majority of the time,
00:21:10:17 - 00:21:11:21
Unknown
is not going to kill you.
00:21:13:04 - 00:21:17:11
Unknown
And I say that with tenderness and with care, because I know that
00:21:17:22 - 00:21:19:03
Unknown
online bullying
00:21:19:03 - 00:21:21:06
Unknown
actually does kill people sometimes.
00:21:21:20 - 00:21:26:04
Unknown
So I don't want to diminish that. And I don't want to diminish the harmful effects of
00:21:26:03 - 00:21:27:01
Unknown
canceling
00:21:27:05 - 00:21:28:14
Unknown
people who
00:21:28:14 - 00:21:30:03
Unknown
truthfully do not deserve it,
00:21:30:23 - 00:21:32:00
Unknown
or
00:21:31:23 - 00:21:34:06
Unknown
hate crimes or, you know, death threats.
00:21:34:06 - 00:21:37:10
Unknown
Like, we're putting that kind of in a special category of,
00:21:37:10 - 00:21:40:14
Unknown
it's illegal at that point. It's a crime. So we're just talking about
00:21:41:01 - 00:21:44:06
Unknown
mid range, low level negativity and rejection here.
00:21:44:15 - 00:21:49:06
Unknown
Sorry to get a little serious there. But I, you know, it's a serious issue. So I just wanted to call that out.
00:21:50:12 - 00:21:57:08
Unknown
The majority of the time when we're dealing with rejection, it's not actually going to kill us.
00:21:57:08 - 00:21:59:18
Unknown
It hurts like the devil, but it's not going to kill us.
00:22:00:12 - 00:22:01:04
Unknown
And
00:22:01:04 - 00:22:04:01
Unknown
our ability to weather
00:22:04:01 - 00:22:05:19
Unknown
traumatic situations and to
00:22:05:23 - 00:22:07:02
Unknown
get through
00:22:07:03 - 00:22:07:20
Unknown
rejection
00:22:08:05 - 00:22:09:02
Unknown
is often
00:22:09:09 - 00:22:11:08
Unknown
measured by our support system.
00:22:12:00 - 00:22:12:13
Unknown
So
00:22:12:23 - 00:22:18:05
Unknown
if you're a Vermilion member, for instance, you always have that support system of community where you can pop into the WhatsApp,
00:22:18:15 - 00:22:20:19
Unknown
you can ask for support, you can ask for help,
00:22:21:07 - 00:22:23:21
Unknown
and you're going to have people there who will show up for you.
00:22:24:08 - 00:22:25:15
Unknown
I will show up for you
00:22:25:15 - 00:22:26:20
Unknown
if you're a Vermilion member.
00:22:27:09 - 00:22:28:04
Unknown
And
00:22:28:05 - 00:22:29:05
Unknown
it's really important that
00:22:29:04 - 00:22:29:08
Unknown
as
00:22:29:08 - 00:22:34:03
Unknown
we just become increasingly polarized and absolutely bonkers
00:22:34:04 - 00:22:35:18
Unknown
in the United States of America
00:22:35:17 - 00:22:37:05
Unknown
in in other countries as well,
00:22:37:18 - 00:22:42:15
Unknown
that you have a support system that can have your back so that you, you don't,
00:22:42:15 - 00:22:45:08
Unknown
spiral into mental health or shame or
00:22:45:19 - 00:22:46:03
Unknown
like,
00:22:46:03 - 00:22:48:08
Unknown
you need that support system.
00:22:48:07 - 00:22:51:22
Unknown
And for a lot of us, when we were kids, you know, I think of myself when I was in school,
00:22:52:17 - 00:22:58:00
Unknown
the pain of being ostracized was so great that it did feel like I was going to die.
00:22:58:00 - 00:23:02:18
Unknown
it felt like, maybe the best solution was just to cease to exist.
00:23:03:13 - 00:23:06:17
Unknown
That was when my brain was still developing, and I didn't have
00:23:06:17 - 00:23:09:15
Unknown
the resources to create a support system for myself or
00:23:09:15 - 00:23:11:05
Unknown
to know how to ask for help.
00:23:11:16 - 00:23:12:13
Unknown
And,
00:23:12:13 - 00:23:16:21
Unknown
it may have felt like it was so painful I was going to die back then,
00:23:17:14 - 00:23:19:15
Unknown
but that was back then. That was a long time ago.
00:23:20:01 - 00:23:21:00
Unknown
I'm an adult now,
00:23:21:08 - 00:23:24:06
Unknown
and I can care for myself and I can protect myself.
00:23:24:07 - 00:23:27:03
Unknown
And I can take steps to mitigate the damage.
00:23:27:02 - 00:23:29:08
Unknown
And I have a responsibility to do that
00:23:29:14 - 00:23:30:18
Unknown
so that I'm not harmed.
00:23:30:18 - 00:23:31:06
Unknown
And I'm not,
00:23:31:13 - 00:23:32:05
Unknown
I'm not hurt.
00:23:32:15 - 00:23:35:08
Unknown
And a lot of the mindset work that we've been covering this episode,
00:23:35:19 - 00:23:38:01
Unknown
the point of that work is to mitigate damage
00:23:38:10 - 00:23:39:08
Unknown
and to
00:23:39:09 - 00:23:42:01
Unknown
never, never go back to that dark place again.
00:23:43:20 - 00:23:50:19
Unknown
So to end on a positive note, who do you have in your life? Who is
00:23:50:19 - 00:23:54:02
Unknown
giving you positivity? Who do you have that is
00:23:54:08 - 00:23:58:06
Unknown
encouraging you? That is a safe space for you? Do you have even one
00:23:58:17 - 00:24:00:04
Unknown
person? All you need is one
00:24:00:22 - 00:24:05:05
Unknown
who is an adult safe space for you, where you feel like you can go to them with pretty much
00:24:05:04 - 00:24:08:10
Unknown
any situation, and they're going to receive you with love.
00:24:08:10 - 00:24:14:12
Unknown
If not, see if you can find somebody like that. I know I didn't start to really find that until
00:24:15:05 - 00:24:16:14
Unknown
two years ago
00:24:16:14 - 00:24:18:14
Unknown
when I was in midlife.
00:24:18:14 - 00:24:21:05
Unknown
And I got there incrementally.
00:24:21:05 - 00:24:23:05
Unknown
Actually, there were a few teachers who I didn't have
00:24:23:04 - 00:24:26:15
Unknown
the, the conscientiousness to realize it at the time,
00:24:27:00 - 00:24:27:15
Unknown
but they were
00:24:27:15 - 00:24:30:13
Unknown
pretty safe spaces for me in acting conservatory,
00:24:30:22 - 00:24:32:23
Unknown
and then I consciously realized it
00:24:32:23 - 00:24:34:23
Unknown
about two years ago when I started working with,
00:24:34:23 - 00:24:35:17
Unknown
Kathy Hendrick
00:24:36:06 - 00:24:37:22
Unknown
and my coach, Flynn Skidmore,
00:24:38:07 - 00:24:40:15
Unknown
and I finally found what felt to be like
00:24:41:07 - 00:24:43:04
Unknown
truly safe spaces.
00:24:43:04 - 00:24:45:03
Unknown
Like, I could not say anything
00:24:45:14 - 00:24:48:17
Unknown
that they would then weaponize or judge.
00:24:49:04 - 00:24:52:15
Unknown
But these are very evolved human beings. And,
00:24:53:01 - 00:24:53:15
Unknown
you know, I was
00:24:53:14 - 00:24:55:23
Unknown
paying them for this safe space.
00:24:56:06 - 00:25:01:18
Unknown
So even if you have to pay for it to allow your brain and your body to experience what it is to be
00:25:02:02 - 00:25:04:08
Unknown
in a completely safe and held container,
00:25:04:16 - 00:25:06:06
Unknown
it changes you.
00:25:06:06 - 00:25:09:03
Unknown
It's a really transformative experience. So
00:25:09:19 - 00:25:12:17
Unknown
maybe you have a friend like that or a family member like that.
00:25:13:03 - 00:25:16:08
Unknown
See if you can spend a little bit more time with them, or
00:25:16:08 - 00:25:18:14
Unknown
just nurture that relationship just a little bit,
00:25:18:22 - 00:25:19:20
Unknown
and
00:25:19:21 - 00:25:23:00
Unknown
that might give you the courage that you need
00:25:23:00 - 00:25:23:20
Unknown
to
00:25:23:20 - 00:25:26:05
Unknown
throw some social media posts up,
00:25:26:21 - 00:25:30:15
Unknown
jump into that script that you've been meaning to finish, but you're afraid you're a bad writer,
00:25:31:08 - 00:25:35:06
Unknown
you know, just try to build that support network so that you can take the leap.
00:25:36:00 - 00:25:39:21
Unknown
Find the gift with whatever negativity or rejection comes through,
00:25:40:14 - 00:25:44:07
Unknown
and let me know. Let me know if you end up
00:25:44:07 - 00:25:47:17
Unknown
taking that creatively and making the thing.
00:25:47:16 - 00:25:53:03
Unknown
Because I would like to, for one, leave a not a hate comment, but a love comment.
00:25:53:23 - 00:25:55:05
Unknown
I'd love to,
00:25:55:20 - 00:25:57:06
Unknown
you know, beef up a little bit,
00:25:57:14 - 00:26:00:09
Unknown
let you know that this is a really great thing that you're doing.
00:26:02:03 - 00:26:05:03
Unknown
Thank you very much for going with me on this.
00:26:05:19 - 00:26:07:19
Unknown
Negativity is,
00:26:07:19 - 00:26:11:00
Unknown
I can't see it really getting any better
00:26:11:04 - 00:26:16:06
Unknown
for the next couple of years, just because of the the climate that we're in. So it's really important to know how to handle it
00:26:16:17 - 00:26:18:16
Unknown
and to have tools to be able
00:26:18:15 - 00:26:22:05
Unknown
to stay positive and to stay kind to yourself and to others.
00:26:23:12 - 00:26:26:10
Unknown
This has been such a fulfilling conversation. I'm so glad that we,
00:26:26:15 - 00:26:27:10
Unknown
we covered this
00:26:27:20 - 00:26:31:01
Unknown
and it's just so relevant. It's so relevant right now.
00:26:31:10 - 00:26:32:00
Unknown
And
00:26:32:06 - 00:26:35:13
Unknown
maybe send this to a friend that, you know, if you think they need to hear it and they think,
00:26:35:20 - 00:26:37:03
Unknown
you think they need a coping
00:26:37:10 - 00:26:39:09
Unknown
mechanism or some tools for
00:26:39:09 - 00:26:41:09
Unknown
the negativity that they might be dealing with,
00:26:41:16 - 00:26:42:21
Unknown
feel free to share it with a friend.
00:26:42:23 - 00:26:46:07
Unknown
And yeah, thanks so much. I'm really grateful for you.
00:26:47:09 - 00:27:15:02
Unknown
Thank you so much for listening to Film On Tape. If you like the way that I approach the industry, check out our other classes, consulting and mentorship at clubvermilion.com. Vermilion is a home for artists and those looking to expand creatively. Whether you're an actor, film professional, an entrepreneur, or a CEO, we'll help you find your voice and hone your skills to thrive in any market at any scale.
00:27:15:04 - 00:27:26:23
Unknown
You can schedule a free phone consultation at clubvermilion.com.
